[Ep. 5] The Top 20 Worst Spongebob Episodes (2/2)

UPDATE (Nov 21, 2013): I bet you can see that changes now. I'll just list what has changed here, since for the most part, all the episode reviews are intact. Except for #4, which is a new addition.

1) 20,000 Patties Under the Sea has been removed from the list completely.

2) From #19. Hide and Then What Happens? to #7. House Fancy all episodes have been knocked down a spot.

3) Nautical Novice went from #5 to #7.

4) Plankton's Regular went from #4 to #6.

5) Truth or Square went from #2 to #5.

6) Spongebob, You're Fired has been added as #4.

7) A Pal for Gary went from #6 to #2. It's also the only review to be changed.

8) Only Yours, Mine and Mine and One Coarse Meal remained in their spots as #3 and #1, respectively.

UPDATE (Dec 22, 2013): All That Glitters, The Thing, The Clash of Triton, To Love a Patty, Gone, and Slide Whistle Stooges have been removed from the "Dishonorable Mentions" section, due to having been reviewed on the new list.

UPDATE (Jun 23, 2016): This list is OUTDATED. Yes, you heard right, as of this day, this list is obsolete, and will be replaced in the future. This list will remain here, as it is, but keep in mind that my thoughts HAVE changed.

Here is the Revisited list for anybody to hear my updated thoughts on some of these episodes. Read here.

20,000 Patties Under the Sea Originally #20 on the list before getting knocked out, although this episode has a spark of creative premise, the third act and the incredibly STUPID ending just makes it ruins what could have been a fun episode. Seriously, that abyss scene just drags to the episode down to ABYSMAL levels.

Karate Island A poor and irritating attempt at a Kung-Fu special with SpongeBob as an asshole victim.

Squid Wood It really feels like this and All That Glitters go hand-in-hand. They're both unbelievably mean episodes that are hard to watch. Like Slide Whistle Stooges, it runs its one joke to the ground VERY quickly.

Best Day Ever A disappointing snooze-fest of a special, and the beginning of the dark ages to come.

Rise and Shine Can you say "boring"? This episode is SOOOO boring, it's almost insulting.

Boat Smarts If you wanted some serious proof on how bad it's to watch the new "Boating School"-themed episodes, this is a good place to start!

Money Talks my main problem with this episode isn't Mr. Krabs' greed, it's that, like Squid Wood and other episodes, it drives its one joke to the ground VERY quickly.

Penny Foolish I think it goes without saying that THIS is a poor man's version of One Krab's Trash only it's not funny, and it's much more ridiculous.

Sun Bleached Where do I start? Well... how about...? It's littered with weak jokes, and it gets worse by the minute. I feel like this COULD be an offensive episode even, but I'm not clever enough to dig up for THAT reason.

Patty Caper yet another weak episode with a nonsensical third act. The plot is confusing, and the ending scene just BARELY makes up for it.

SpongeBob SquarePants vs. The Big One Can you say "disappointing"? These guys COULD have had something good if they didn't waste their initial premise, or actually gave Johnny Depp something to do.

Porous Pockets It's infuriating to realize the reason why SpongeBob ditches Patrick. It's not because of all the BULLSHIT Patrick puts him (and everyone else) through on a daily basis, no. It's money. I think Mr. Krabs rubbed off him in the worst possible way.

Ditchin' It's actually LAUGHABLE to see these writers try to tack on a moral on such an uneventful mess of an episode. You want to get a good moral about skipping school/work? Go watch Hooky.

Squid's Visit ....ehhh. I don't think I need to elaborate on how creepy this episode is. Seriously, watch it and then try to go sleep at night soundly.

Man if I were to list every offensively-bad episode I'd be here all night. So, without further ado, let's continue!

The Top 20 Worst SpongeBob SquarePants Episodes


#10. Kracked Krabs

Aside from the main reason, there is something that really bothers me about this episode. This is a bad episode... with SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs' characters being pretty close to their original personalities. This episode proves that these characters could be the same as they originally were at the beginning of the series, you can still have a shitty episode with a bad premise.

So what exactly is the premise of the episode? Well, in this episode, Mr. Krabs is nominated for the "Cheapest Crab Ever" award. So he goes to the "Cheapest Crab" convention with a "plus One", the "plus One" being SpongeBob. Krabs presents SpongeBob to a bunch of other crabs and acquaintances who present how cheap they are. Mr. Krabs explains his tricks on how he's so cheap.

Mr. Krabs loses the award and is sad about losing. Understandable? SpongeBob tries to cheer him up and try to get him over his depression. That's fine and dandy, and they actually behave like their old selves. This is good...

... and here's where the episode dies for me.

Mr. Krabs takes the free soap and other goodies from the bathroom and SpongeBob points out that he's stealing the bath supplies and other adornments. Mr Krabs dismissis it as he's just "exaggerating his cheapness". So he goes from "exaggerating" toothpaste and soap, to his whole freaking room! And SpongeBob's encouraging this! He doesn't mind that Krab's is stealing and ripping off the hotel he's staying at!

But that's not all; the other contestants discover that Krab's st- "exaggerated" his room into his suitcase. This example of "cheapness" wins him the award.

In case you haven't realized why I despise this episode, it's because of its message- it encourages children that steal- "EXAGGERATING" is okay! There is a difference between being "cheap" and being a "thief". I hate that SpongeBob acknowledges what Krabs' is doing is wrong, but drops it completely.

Celebrating stealing, is something kids should never do. It isn't right, it isn't funny; it's irresponsible!

#9. Stuck in the Wringer

Remember what I said about All That Glitters and Squid Wood? Well, get ready for quite possibly the meanest episode in the series (barring my #1 choice).

Here's the skinny:

In this episode SpongeBob... gets stuck in his wringer. Unsurprisingly, this is Patrick's fault; he decides to bother SpongeBob and gets him stuck in his wringer. So, SpongeBob asks for his help to get him unstuck...

... and from this moment on, the episode goes downhill...

... Patrick gets him EVEN MORE STUCK by gluing him to the wringer. So, Patrick STUPIDLY harms his best friend more than actually helps him. The wringer comes to light in how much of an obstacle it is when SpongeBob goes to work at the Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob tries to be inventive about how to work with the wringer, but it proves to fail when the episode pulls a House Fancy with... mustard. Ugh...

...anywho, the wringer causes nothing but chaos, and Mr. Krabs kicks him out of the restaurant. Patrick, noting this, he tries to cheer him up with ice cream, but we realize that SpongeBob can't even SWALLOW (insert Gay joke here), which... is bad.

Patrick thinks of a different idea in order to cheer SpongeBob up by dragging him to a carnival. We're getting set up for one of the most painful-to-watch scenes in SpongeBob history. Patrick gets the joy of enjoying the festival while completely neglecting the pain and suffering of his best friend. it gets worse...

...SpongeBob chews Patrick out for all the damage that he caused him for getting him stuck in the wringer. As pleasing and great as it feels to listen to SpongeBob yell at Patrick, that joy is ruined by the crowd who take their time to chew SpongeBob out for yelling at his friend for trying to "help him". They say that SpongeBob deserved being disabled by Patrick for his sheer stupidity, even though it was all Patrick's fault this happened in the first place!

But, FUCK, it doesn't end there! No! Patrick tries to give SpongeBob the cold shoulder, but caves in and decides to check up on him. SpongeBob is wallowing in his loneliness and Patrick realizes he fucked up, so he starts crying. It turns out the salt in the tears dissolves the "Forever Glue"- before I continue, don't you think the salt in the OCEAN, the place they LIVE, would have dissolved the glue by now!

Bah! The ABSOLUTE WORST thing is the end. SpongeBob says, that thanks to crying he's free. he says that crying CAN solve your problems...

... I dare anybody out there, I FUCKING dare you to tell me when crying has gotten you out of a pickle. I dare you! I cried a lot when I was younger; that never saved me. It never WILL save me, especially now- if it didn't help me when I was a kid, it sure as hell isn't gonna help me as an adult! I'm crying right now, and this show isn't ending. These episodes aren't going away, these memories are here to stay...

... there are eight more to go... I don't think I can take it...

#8. House Fancy

Hi, guys! Welcome to House Fancy! This episode is quite infamous. But why?

Well, in this episode Squidward watches the eponymous show, and sees that Squilliam is actually being featured in the show.

The reason for this, is because his house is, well, fan-CEY! Boy, is Squilliam's house fancy... and fancy... and some more fancy... I'm falling asleep over here...

Being irritated by this, Squidward decides to call the show to tell them that his house is FAR fancier than Squilliam's. This gives Squidward a 2 hour time limit to prepare his house for the big special.

For the first act we get bored to tears because we get to see Squilliam's house but there are no jokes or wit. Just visual gimmicks, that put the episode in a lull for the first part of the episode.

...That is until SpongeBob gets involved. How? By spying on Squidward. Squidward threatens to call the police on SpongeBob, until he convinces Squidward to let him help prepare for the show.

He gives him a task SO simple, even somebody without a brain couldn't fuck it up... this proves to be a mistake, as not only does SpongeBob fuck up the one thing he was supposed to do, but because he causes a certain notorious scene involving a TOENAIL. It comes out of fucking nowhere!

Squidward leaves SpongeBob in charge of cleaning up with his vacuum cleaner. The vacuum cleaner goes berserk (Thanks, SpongeBob) and begins sucking up everything in sight, even the floor and SpongeBob himself. It gets so full that it explodes and blows up Squidward's house in the process.

So, Squid's house is now ruined. Gee, this is gonna make for a nasty first impression with the network...

... But wait, no.

After the House Fancy crew sees Squid's house, instead of shunning Squidward for a disaster of a home that it is now, he is crowned the King of Fancy and his house is going to be featured in a two-hour special.

Despite my usual feelings for these new episodes to have good endings, I feel pretty indifferent of how the episode could have ended. Originally, Squidward's house was supposed to be despised by everybody. I'm not sure what changed the writers' mind to change the ending, but it really wouldn't have saved this episode, as either way, it would have been unsatisfying.

#7. Nautical Novice

... sigh... why do I subject myself to this?

In this episode, Mrs. Puff decides to organize a field trip to take her class to the Bikini Bottom Museum of Navigation, which also turns out to be the largest vessel to ever be driven. It's so large that it's a museum.

Noting how poor of a student he is, SpongeBob decides to study the big, gigantic book of the entire history of boating and navigation for the whole entire night, so that he can impress Mrs. Puff with his new knowledge of boating history.

SpongeBob barely misses the bus, so he almost missed his chance to make it to the field trip. Once at the museum, SpongeBob begins to display his new gigantic knowledge about boating and its history; which irritates Mrs. Puff, because he has basically taken over her job.

At the end of the day, SpongeBob is revealed to have actually gone up to the main cabin of the vessel. He mistakes the AC for an "On" button. It ends up activating the vessel and the behemoth of a boat starts to move. Mrs. Puff rushes to the main cabin and warns SpongeBob that the vessel is moving, and if it's not stopped, it's going to flatten Bikini Bottom.

Mrs. Puff tries to stop the vessel, but it turns out to be TOO advanced for her to manage, leaving SpongeBob at the wheel... which, actually, turns out to be a good idea. Thanks to SpongeBob's gigantic knowledge of boating, he knows how to stop the vessel and he next few seconds turn out to be SpongeBob stopping the vessel in a very badass and exciting way until it comes to a halt. Yes! This episode is going great, now!

Not only that, but SpongeBob does so well in stopping the vessel, that it FINALLY wins him his Driver's License... BUT like a lot of the episodes on this list, the ending DESTROYS it.

The ending makes no sense, this dude on a tiny tugboat turns out to have been the one dragging the vessel all along, even though we NEVER see him in any shot prior to his reveal. This fucking twist cost SpongeBob his new license, thus rendering what could have been the coolest ending in SpongeBob history, completely and utterly ruined. This really pissed me off, and I hoped this was the most disappointing and angering ending that SpongeBob had to offer... if only...

#6. Plankton's Regular

This episode, man, THIS episode!

If I could describe this episode in one word, it would be "backstabbing".

In this episode, Plankton is a little... uh, upset, about the fact that the Chum Bucket is not getting any business. He hates that he's not getting nearly as much business as Krabs. Karen just tells him to shut up and stop whining because of him having zero customers total... until a fellow by the name of Nat, shows up. One thing that, I have to admit is kind of neat, is when one of the background fish actually becomes important in their episode. That's neato.

Anyway, Nat turns out to actually like Plankton's chum, unlike 20,000 Patties Under the Sea, Nat's not a monster, nor is his food being sold by someone else. Nat claims that he will come back the next game so he can have more of Plankton's chum... so far, I, like anybody else, was shocked to see somebody who actually enjoys Plankton's chum. Then, Plankton goes to rub it in Krabs' face that he no longer needs to steal his formula, as Plankton was able to finally get a customer on his own. Krabs doesn't like these news.

So, Nat comes back and he buys more of Plankton's chum. He'll come back every day and says that he's Plankton's regular. Plankton could not be any happier, and Krabs could not be more enraged. Confused, Krabs decides to send SpongeBob to convince Nat to eat at the Krusty Krab. 

His attempts fail... again... and again... and again. And after puling a House Fancy, Krabs decides to set up a trap for Nat. SpongeBob and Krabs make a "shortcut to the Chum Bucket", in reality it goes to the Krusty Krab. Now Nat is taken captive and Krabs won't let him leave until Nat tastes his Krusty Krab-brand chum. Nat tastes it... and he hates it. He calls it the second worst thing he's ever taste it. One could assume he's referring to the Krabby Patty... but, wait...

Sick of Plankton having ONE customer, Krabs decides that the only way for him to bring Back back to the Krusty Krab's side is to, get this: to steal Plankton's secret formula. *sniiiiiff!* I smell irony!

Anyway, Plank- I mean, Krabs sneaks in through the Chum Bucket, but is quickly caught and trapped by Plankton. SpongeBob then shows up and catches Plankton... although he's also trapped by Plankton. Then Karen tells Plankton that Nat is coming to the Chum Bucket with an unusually large wad of cash. Plankton is getting ready to rub it in on Krabs face... 

...then we get treated for this. Get ready for one of the WORST and meanest SpongeBob endings ever.

Plankton offers Nat some chum, but he turns it down. Angrily, Nat throws the wad of money to Karen and reveals that he was being PAID to be Plankton's regular. That's right, Nat was paid to enjoy Plankton's chum... which in reality he turns out to DESPISE it; Plankton's chum turns out to have made Nat get his stomach pumped TWICE. He gets taken away by the paramedics.

Plankton breaks down after he realizes that he's never made a customer on his own. The ending of the episode is Plankton crying, Karen complaining, SpongeBob watching, and Krabs enjoying Plankton's misery.

You know, it's one thing when the pain and punishment is justified, but not when the supposed "bad guy" ends up being more sympathetic than the MAIN PROTAGONISTS. I hate this episode's guts.

... we're FUCKED.

From here on out, the Top 5 are episodes that nearly made me quit, with #1 being my breaking point.

To kick off the Final 5, we have the monolith of shit, otherwise known asTruth or Square. I'm pretty sure if you're here, then you know what I'm talking about. I was a little hesitant about putting this episode on the list because it's a special, but me knowing how much I fucking LOATHE this episode, you bet your ass it earned a spot on this list!

What do I have to say? Well, it's a special with so much build-up, and promise, and these guys went ahead and blew it.

In this special, the Krusty Krab is celebrating its own anniversary and wants to do something special to commemorate the occasion. A giant ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty... they really couldn't have thought of anything more interesting, could they? Then again, this IS Krabs we're talking about. Bad news, the Krusty Crew gets locked up in the freezer and have to find another way to escape before the restaurant opens.

Thinking they are out of luck, they decide to share stories and secrets to each other before dying in the freezer... until they find another way out.

What's my problem with this special you ask? Well, judging from the description I just gave you, you might think that I haven't seen the special enough to describe it in detail. Well, the reason for that is that I only saw it once... in 2009... when it came out... on SpongeBob's 10 year anniversary special. And no, To SquarePants or Not To SquarePants doesn't qualify as the special; it barely qualifies as an episode.

My point is, I was fucking furious when I first saw it. The problems? Well, it has a weak and uninteresting story, it has even weaker jokes, it has a flimsy conflict, and it doesn't feel like a special aside from being a 22-minute long episode.

But what's my MAIN problem with this episode? The hype. This episode was hyped to be THE special of all specials; it ha special guest stars, it was coming out at SpongeBob's 10 year anniversary. And, on top of all, it promised to reveal secrets of the series fans had been wondering since Help Wanted! Among them being what's Plankton's evil plan this time around? What is the Krabby Patty formula? Are SpongeBob and Sandy... married?!

I could NOT wait... and boy, was I disappointed... and angry... oh, was I angry...

Plankton? He shows up for like... a minute. And he doesn't affect anything about the outcome of the episode, similarly to the blasphemy that is Atlantis Squarepantis.

The Krabby Patty formula? Krabs tells you jack shit! Nothing! Zero! Zip! Nada!

Believe it or not, the thing that caught my attention the most was hearing that SpongeBob and Sandy were going to be married. Yes, I felt that SpongeBob and Sandy should have been an item. It turns out, they got married... as part of a play. A PLAY?! How much more of a middle finger to the audience could this episode have been?! Oh, wait, it already IS!! It's infuriating that this episode had so much promise and it ended up bringing nothing to the table.

If I were to describe this episode in one word, it would be: A lie. A FUCKING lie.

I can't believe I'm saying this... but Truth or Square you're finally off the hook- as I have FINALLY found a special that I loathe even more than Truth or Square. Not only that, but if there is any special that could feel ANY MORE UNNECESSARY THAN THE FORMER- this is just the one. So... what happens here? Well, if you couldn't guess from the title, you may be related to Patrick Star. 

That's the best reason you could have come up with? A nickle? A FUCKING nickle?! I understand that Krabs' is greedy- greedy to the point that even Scrooge McDuck would groan in disgust- but... he's ALSO unbelievably petty- who knows? Maybe it's not too far off his character- according to Penny Foolish, he'll go through ridiculous lengths for a PENNY- so, who's to say that Krabs going through with the "incredibly well-thought out decision" of firing SpongeBob, his fry cook, AKA THE ONLY REASON WHY THE KRUSTY KRAB IS EVEN OPEN TO BEGIN WITH!!

... it doesn't seem like too far of stretch... it doesn't. What it IS though, it just shows that:

A. Krabs is CLEARLY a criminal- as the fact that he UNDERPAYS his employees wasn't good enough of a clue!

B. Krabs is even pettier than his daughter- on that note, Pearl- PEARL, is more likable than Krabs! And she has NO fans whatsoever!

C. Krabs is TOO FUCKING STUPID TO THINK THIS WAS A GOOD PLAN FROM THE START!

D. All of the above.

If you chose "D"- NO FUCKING SHIT!!

So, SpongeBob gets fired- seriously, just watch that whole scene yourself- to call it "forced" is an UNDERSTATEMENT. He bursts into tears- UNDERSTATEMENT, again! Krabs removes his gear- and arm- and kicks him out of the Krusty Krab. Squidward celebrates- no surprise there- then raises a good question: who IS going to cook the Krabby Patties? Is it going to be Jim? You know a total one-shot character that is INFINITELY more likable than Krabs will ever, ever be! Nope! Krabs himself becomes SpongeBob's replacement because he was a fry cook in the navy. Squidward predicts the future by saying that this plan will go downhill FAST.

Wait a second... if Krabs was a fry cook... THEN WHY THE HELL DID HE HIRE SPONGEBOB TO BEGIN WITH?! I hope you guys realize what is wrong with this special- in less than five minutes no less! To say Krabs is INCOMPREHENSIVELY STUPID is a MASSIVE understatement!

So, now we get to see SpongeBob sulk for a good 10 minutes. I miss Jim- now I actually like The Original Fry Cook- Jim had the right idea to leave this dump because Krabs is HOPELESSLY STUPID! I'm sorry I keep harping on the same point, but it just BOGGLES my mind how Krabs could have come through with such a BONE-HEADED decision! THIS is just how DESPERATE these writers are to come out with ideas for new EPISODES- let alone these WORTHLESS excuse dumps for writing they dare call "a special"- by recycling plots and conflicts that this show has ALREADY tackled and squeezed to death! It's not even TRYING to hide the fact that this episode is essentially a combination of Le Big Switch and Bummer Vacation- only 100 times worse and dumber! STOP trying to make appreciate mediocre episodes from previous seasons- I swear, if they make an episode that makes look back fondly on The Splinter I will strip down to my bare ass and set myself on fire!

... alright, tangent over and... is Spongebob... ACTUALLY taking care of Gary... like... a normal pet owner... he ACTUALLY cares... no... no, no, no... this can't be right... this is Season 9... SpongeBob cannot be... he is... SpongeBob is... likable?

Okay, let me clarify something- technically speaking, this episode is, at its core, a SpongeBob Torture Porn- though it's not quite as extreme, or as obvious as episodes like InSPONGEiac or Stuck in the Wringer- for one, they actually play his depression for drama... WHICH IS WHAT IT SHOULD FUCKING BE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Yes, I'm looking at you Casey and Zeus!

Second- I don't think I've actually, genuinely- not only felt sorry for SpongeBob because his boss is a TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT!- but I ACTUALLY really like him- and it's been YEARS since I've seen an episode in which I've actually liked SpongeBob himself. I think the last episode I've like SpongeBob himself was... Spongicus. Jesus, that was AGES ago.

Third- WERE THE HELL WHERE YOU IN A PAL FOR GARY?!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!

Now- oh, no... Patrick shows up... and tells SpongeBob about the JOYS of being unemployed. I'm not even going to explain what a WELL-THOUGHT out and TOTALLY NOT INSENSITIVE "JOKE" that was! So, we get to see Patrick's morning routine (it's slightly better than Rise and Shine, but jumping into a volcano is more fun than this), which includes destroying Squidward's garden so he throws food at his face, taking a nap, and eating strange and INCReDIBLY dangerous untested biohazards that Sandy calls "food", for lunch.

WOOOW, you even managed to make Sandy unlikable. I'd call that a new low, but I'm surprised it's taken me THIS long for me to despise New Science-driven Sandy.

... well, all I can say is that at least that face isn't THAT bad, at least not compared to the one from Whatever Happened to SpongeBob?. If you've seen this episode, you'll KNOW what I'm talking about.

"I'm ready!"

OH, MY GOD IT IS OLD SPONGEBOB! SLAP SOME BUTTER ON ME AND CALL ME "TOAST", BECAUSE I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THESE HACK WRITERS HAVE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO DO SOMETHING THEY COULDN'T DO FOR 6 SEASONS, THAT CAME NATURALLY IN THE FIRST 3!

This is just TOO good to be true- I REALLY can't believe how likable SpongeBob is in this episode- this IS SpongeBob- not ScumBob, not CheeseHead, not Truth-or-Square-for-Brains, not the Cubic Creeper- this old school, naive, likable SpongeBob- and better yet, he even has a dash of snark and self-awarness that could have only come from Hillenberg himself! And I'm REALLY being honest- I have HATED SpongeBob for YEARS and it's THIS shitty special that has him in the best shape he's ever been on?! THIS?!

... okay, yet ANOTHER tangent. So SpongeBob goes job hunting, blah, blah, blah- he just makes patties out of all the other food, blah, blah, blah, totally ripping off Le Big Switch, blah, blah, blah, yet ANOTHER potentially offensive stereotype, of the Mexican variety, blah, blah, blah.

Krabs' business is falling apart- NO FUCKING SHIT!! And SpongeBob tries going back home, he feeds Gary again- I sill want to murder Casey and Zeus- and then he gets kidnapped.

What ensues after, the four restaurant owners fight for SpongeBob, until a mysterious entity known as "The Killer Patty" comes to his rescue. You know, I'd say that The Killer Patty should get his own episode, but I don't trust these writers at all, so I'll keep my mouth shut.

HEY PLANKTON, YOUR BUS IS HERE! (Those who've seen this episode will understand why I made that joke.)

The Killer Patty brings SpongeBob back to the Krusty Krab, where it turns out, it was Squidward who saved SpongeBob, on behalf of Mr. Krabs because he's a total DUMABSS! And also, because Squidward apparently hates the smell of burnt Krabby Patties...

...

So, the episode ends with yet ANOTHER thing to add to my long list of Krabs' irredeemable factors: now including, installing a pay toilet to make up for the FUCKING NICKEL HE COULDN'T AFFORD TO LOSE!

Wait... I just realized... this is a new SpongeBob episode... to feature Squidward... and he doesn't get tortured for no explicable reason?!

GOLD STAR, Spongebob You're Fired!

... too bad, that had it not been for that, and the fact that SpongeBob is actually really great in this special, then THIS episode would have been WORST than One Coarse Meal. EASILY.

Like I said before, aside from SpongeBob actually being likable being the main saving grace for this episode, the humor is almost non-existent, the filler is ABYSMAL, and the resolution is so phoned-in and predictable that even a FETUS could see the ending coming from a MILE away. Not to mention that it STILL has uncomfortable aura of desperation that shows you that the writers a CLEAN out of idead... pfft, like they weren't already!

So... who are these fools who claim that Season 9 is a return to form for SpongeBob? 'Casue so far... not buying it.

#3. Yours, Mine and Mine

Oh, man. I KNEW when I saw this episode for the first time, that it was one of the WORST. And for a reason very similar- although not to the same extent- to Demolition Doofus, that being that it destroys a sympathetic character for me, Patrick Start.

Here's the scenario:

Patrick whines about not being able to afford a Krabby Patty. That's your fault you lazy pink blob! So he forces SpongeBob to buy him one, because HE can't afford it. Not only that, but he ALSO cries because the Krabby Patty came without a toy inside. Hearing this, Krabs decides to make a toy out of junk an food... but he's not just gonna hand it over, noooooo. Patrick has to pay for it, I wouldn't mind this if he didn't take SpongeBob's own wallet away from him and paid for it with HIS money.

So, because it was SpongeBob's money that paid for the toy, SpongeBob decides that they should share the toy. But guess what? Patrick becomes a selfish bitch and decides to keep the toy to himself.

Patrick is SOOOO unlikable in this episode. His whining and bitching and how awful he is to SpongeBob is UNBEARABLE to watch, he is beyond selfish! I can't root for somebody with such unadmirable traits, who also happens to be one of the MAIN protagonists. Seriosuly, I don't understand why SpongeBob couldn't snap at Patrick like he did in Stuck in the Wringer. Seriously, he's THAT unlikable.

Anyway, sick of SpongeBob wanting to share, Patrick eats the toy. Because "if he can't have it, nobody can." Fuck you!

...at least it's over... oh no...

Mr. Krabs realizes that the toys were a big hit, so he makes them a normal addition to the Krusty Krab. He offers Patrick and SpongeBob more of these toys... if they pay for them. Patrick does so... with SpongeBob's money.

Seriously, Patrick's more hatable here than he is in The Card, or Smoothe Jazz in Bikini Bottom, or The Main Drain, or hell, even Toy Store of Doom.

His unpleasantness lasts throughout the whole episode, from beginning to end I want to do nothing but strangle him!

#2. A Pal for Gary

... The fu- HOW IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD IN THIS UNIVERSE DID THIS MONSTROSITY EVER GET GREENLIT, LET ALONE WRITTEN! It sucks! I hate, hate, hate, HATE IT!

I'm actually impressed- I'm baffled- I can't believe I gave this episode such a MASSIVE pass the first time I reviewed it- it was because EVERYBODY else was racking this episode so high on THEIR lists- you know what, no! I'm going to tear this episode a new one like I SHOULD have done a year ago!

In this episode, SpongeBob feels bad that he constantly has to leave Gary alone because he has to go to work (which makes no sense, as he's left Gary alone before, and he's turned out to be perfectly fine), so he decides to bring Gary to work with him. Mr. Krabs doesn't like that and tells SpongeBob that if he doesn't like it that Gary is lonely, then SpongeBob should get him a companion pet.

SpongeBob, you've had Gary for, what, a long-ass time now? Don't you think that if Gary ever felt lonely he would have told you about it? Oh, wait, you don't care because this episode was written by people who could honestly care less!

SpongeBob stumbles into a vendor who is selling these... things. SpongeBob finds them suitable to be... a pal for Gary, obviously. The vendor gives him a warning; these things don't like snails though. Instead of turning around heeding the old vendor's warning, he just TAKES the creature and runs off. By this point, you probably already figured that SOMETHING will go horribly wrong. Just you wait, because what happens after is something that is beyond your wildest nightmares.

After SpongeBob brings... sigh... Puffy Fluffy- people got paid to write that, folks- to Gary, we find out that- surprise, surprise- Puffy doesn't like Gary very much. Scratch that, I just realized I wrote the understatement of the millennium; what I MEANT to say was- Puffy Fluffy is out for fucking SNAIL blood!! Seeing as how Puffy wants to tear Gary to pieces, what does Spongebob do? Why he scolds Gary for refusing to share, of course!

You thought THAT was bad... just wait, it gets worse.

All you need to know is that whenever Gary gets scared and runs away from the danger- AKA Puffy Fluffy, SpongeBob scolds Gary for misbehaving. You'd be right if you thought that it IS a routine that not only gets old fast- but it manages to make SpongeBob himself DUMBER THAN HIS BRAINLESS BEST FRIEND!

After SpongeBob FINALLY wakes up, he finds Gary ABOUT TO BE DEVOURED BY PUFFY FLUFFY! Does SpongeBob freak out? Does he try to save Gary? Does he use his karate? Does he even try to apologize? Or does he run away?

The answer: none of the above.

What does SpongeBob do? He scolds Gary, and demands that he puts Fluffy down this second...

... YOU'VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!! HOW IN THE HOLY NAME OF SHIT CAN YOU IMBECILES EVEN BE ALLOWED TO THINK ABOUT THIS?! YOU CAN'T- YOU JUST CAN'T GET AWAY WITH SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID!!

Thanks to all of the westerns Gary has been watching on his alone time, he manages to rope up Puffy and drives him out of the SquarePants residence. So how does SpongeBob thank him? By depriving him of his freedom taking him to work at the Krusty Krab, with complete lack of acknowledgement that Gary JUST SAVE YOUR FUCKING WORTHLESS LIFE, YOU UNGRATEFUL DUMBASS!!

There's only one episode left. The one episode that made me walk out of this hellhole of a show. And because I'm a stubborn dick and feel like dragging out the list a bit longer for the sake of suspense, it's time for a recap!


#20. Hide and Then What Happens? Making the audience feel like dumbasses from beginning to end.

#19. The Krabby Kronicle A good cartoon plot ruined by an abysmal ending.

#18. Professor Squidward Unfair punishment to a likeable character for no good reason whatsoever.

#17. Good Neighbors Convoluted and contrived from start to finish, regardless of who you like in the series.

#16. Cephalopod Lodge More pointless Squidward suffering.

#15. Gullible Pants Stupid. And dumb. And stupid... and dumb.

#14. The Splinter A repulsive 11 minutes wasted on... ugh, "visual gimmicks" and no substance.

#13. Tentacle-Vision Even MORE ways to bully and humiliate Squidward, to the point of disgust.

#12. Demolition Doofus Destroying a sympathetic character, does not make for a good episode.

#11. Summer Job Crushing and destroying former more enjoyable plotlines just for the sake of a half-assed ending.

#10. Kracked Krabs Encouraging children to steal is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned.

#9. Stuck in the Wringer Sadistic and painful, it is an unpleasant trip from start to finish.

#8. House Fancy A boring, ugly, convluted mess that has no place existing in THIS show.

#6. Plankton's Regular One thing's throwing a bone, another is yanking the chain. This one's the latter of the two.

#3. Yours, Mine and Mine Unpleasant selfishness and even more destruction of formerly sympathetic characters.

#2. A Pal for Gary The fact that Nickelodeon Studios is still standing after airing this atrocity, shows you that miracles DO happen- just to the wrong people. 

Okay, here we go. In order for an episode to be #1, it needs to be mean-spirited, not funny, destroying sympathetic characters and have a beyond-unsatisfying ending. Which episode am I talking about? Here it is, the worst SpongeBob episode I've ever seen is...!

#1. One Coarse Meal

Some of you may have seen this coming, but yes, THIS is my lest favorite episode. I hate this episode so much, ti made me quit the show. How? Why?

Here's the deal:

At the beginning of this episode, it is a regular, "Plankton wants to get the Krabby Patty secret formula" plot, with Plankton almost getting away with the formula... until Pearl shows up. It's revealed that Plankton is afraid of whales.

Learning this, Mr. Krabs takes advantage of this and decides to haunt Plankton by dressing up like his daughter, and scaring him. He follows him everywhere, he even scares him out his own home!

We're then treated to Plankton's nightmares, in which he is eaten and digested by Pearl. Plankton is so scared and paranoid that he can't take it anymore! So what does he do?

He attempts to commit suicide. I WISH I was kidding. Plankton, in front of the screen, for the entire audience to see. First of all, I really. Fucking. Hate. How they portray suicide as if it was a laughing matter. It's disgusting how the writers are so apathetic about SUICIDE of all things. Do you think this episode would be taken well by fans or members of the audience who have had a person close to them commit suicide? Do you think they'll laugh at this? I'm SHOCKED that this episode hasn't been boycotted yet, it baffles me how something like this is still floating around. I hate it when kids shows like this take a serious matter into account and sugar-coat it to the point of disgust. It is INSULTINGLY awful. Not only that but I can name you a different show that WAS able to treat a serious matter like it is, the Courage the Cowardly Dog episode The Mask, it doesn't outright say it, but it has heavy implications of DOMESTIC ABUSE, and even though it has moments of comic relief in the middle of the situation, but still takes the issue seriously without shying away from it.

...but the worst part? The FUCKING ending.

SpongeBob tries to help Plankton by telling him that Mr. Krabs is afraid of mimes. Now, Plankton can get his justified payback and scare the shit out of Krabs... until SpongeBob betrays him.

SpongeBob makes a projection of a family of whales to scare Plankton out of the Krusty Krab. So even after helping Plankton out of his suicidal depression, SpongeBob betrays Plankton, just to help his skinflint, asshole of a boss.

I did not stand for that, I was FURIOUS after seeing this. I literally screamed NO!; I stood up, pointed at my TV screen and said "FUCK YOU!!" I'm done with this show, this episode did it for me.

That's it, this is the end of the list. I'm done with SpongeBob SquarePants for good. One Coarse Meal is the worst episode I've ever seen on this show, and this episode is proof of how bad this show has gone, how much they don't care, how much they've lost their faith on the show.

All I gotta say is, if you don't care, why should I?

I'm done. See you guys, next time.


Artwork and Toon!Danny ©
SpongeBob SquarePants © Nickelodeon