Greetings, to Deviants everywhere!
Oh, boy! Review time! It's been a while since for one of these, since last time I yelled about what was wrong with The Lorax (2012)
...now this is NOT
a review, rather I'm doing something different. As you can read from the title, this is a little spin-off from the reviews, a little something I call List Time!
In this segment I conglomerate either episodes of a T.V. series, movies, video games, or etc., into a list, and rank them according to the theme of the list.
For the very first List Time!
my first subject is SpongeBob SquarePants
Oh, boy... this show...
If I'm going to do this, there's something I need to get out of the way.
I hate this show. This is one of the worst shows I have ever seen, how Nickelodeon could even think to host a show like this is...
...oh. Maybe I should clarify myself a little bit; sorry, my mistake, guys.
The new SpongeBob
is one of the worst shows I have seen recently. The NEW
era of an old childhood classic is an absolute disgrace of the legacy that its preceding era had left, prior to the big movie. I absolutely REFUSE
to believe that this is SpongeBob
Even so, it only took me until recently to find my breaking point. It took a while
for me to realize what a train-wreck this show has become. Hell, it hasn't even been a YEAR
since I quit the show; I was that
adamant about having the hopes that this show would become better. Celestia knows, that didn't happen.
Actually, I should say, on this day, November 11, it has been one year exactly
since I left it for good, so to "celebrate"
the occasion, I've made a list of the worst episodes this show had to offer.
Now, if you've already seen the "Top 20 Worst Spongebob Episodes"
then you'll know that I love these videos, I love MoBros., I love everything he does, and he inspired me with this idea. If you haven't you should check him out, the list is brilliant, and he has some pretty funny YouTube Poops.
Now I thought long and hard about all the crappy episodes, all the unfunny jokes, all the unnecessary mean streak that has grown on the show, and I've been thinking, "Hmm. You know? I've been with this show for a long time; I can't stand it anymore, but what is the worst of the worst that I've been through? What is the bottom of the barrel?-
the show is so bad, it's not even worthy of having hit "Rock Bottom"!- What have I had to endure to finally say 'I quit!'"
I shit you not, prior to me streamlining my list, I had made a bottom 50
episodes list. 50. Bad. Episodes.
It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but no, I'm not kidding when I'm saying you could EASILY
count 50 bad episodes, hell, that list even had "HONORABLE"
mentions! I really had to think long and hard for to realize, "Holy shit, the ratio of bad/good episodes in this show, is unbalanced as hell."
I can count the number of good episodes from the last six seasons that I've seen, in ONE. HAND!
The only one I can recommend, right off the top of my head, is "Sandcastles in the Sand"
It's really sad when out of the 100+ episodes that have come out recently from a show that was great on its first three seasons, I can only easily recommend for you to watch one episode. One episode. One episode! One. FUCKING. Episode!
But I know that's not what you guys wanna hear. I know that you don't care about this silly background information. You want to see the lowest of the lowest. You wanna endure the suffering that I did? Well, fine by me! I'm not EVER
going to watch this show again, but before I give it the kiss of death, it's only fair for me to watch out my anger and hatred that it deserves.
So sit back, eat a Krabby Patty, enjoy a Kelp Shake... or maybe not.
And I hope you're set, because......I'm READY!!The Top 20 Worst SpongeBob SquarePants Episodes#20. Hide and Then What Happens?
I'll just keep this brief, simply because this episode isn't worth the migraine. That's for Part 2!
Right away this episode rubbed me the wrong the way- the episode opens up with Patrick, not knowing SpongeBob's name.
SpongeBob, A.K.A. his best friend he knew since they were babies!
But that's not the only
insulting set-piece of the episode.
Not too soon after, we get explained how the game "Hide and Seek" works. Why? Because, SpongeBob and Patrick wanted to play a game, SpongeBob suggested the aforementioned game, and Patrick doesn't know what it is. Hide and Seek, a game just about everyone one of us have played when we were in KINDERGARTEN!
The rest of the episode is pretty predictable. Patrick hides, and SpongeBob can't find him. The first place he crosses out to look for, is Patrick's own house. So, he decides to look for him everywhere else. And I do mean EVERYWHERE
So, just about nothing happens for most of the episode. It probably wouldn't be as bad, maybe
if it was one of those... stupid, Season 5 shorts, but it's an 11 minute episode, that's mainly NOTHING HAPPENING!
Until the end, when SpongeBob discovers, GASP!
, Patrick WAS hiding under his own house the whole time.
...what a shock. Because, you know? None of us saw THAT
twist coming a mile away...
...fuckin' please...#19. The Krabby Kronicle
Ugh... this one.EXTRA! EXTRA!
Comedic powerhouse, SpongeBob SquarePants
sinks yet another truly awful episode with The Krabby Kronicle!
Read all about the tragedy on the main page!Sigh...
here's the deal.
One lackluster day at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs announces that he posted a Krusty Krab ad on a local newspaper, to promote the restaurant and get more business. Not too soon after, he realizes the ad isn't working, as no customers show up.
Krabs sees that nobody is interested in the newspaper, because a the public is interested in the competition, The Bottom Feeder
. Basically, a cheesy tabloid full of lies and scandals. Why do people read it? Because it's more interesting.
So, Krabs has the idea to print his own newspaper to sell at the Krusty Krab, called, The Krabby Kronicle
. Just bullshit stories printed to make a quick buck.
At first it doesn't work, because his main reporter, SpongeBob, couldn't find anything interesting. So, he tells him to. "use his imagination"- A.K.A. lying- to "spice up" these dull stories.
So, SpongeBob goes around making up embarrassing stories about his friends and acquaintances, so he can make a hot sell on the Kronicle
. The paper makes make great sales... but SpongeBob starts feeling guilty about writing these "wild" stories.
Funny, I feel like this is a common plot in cartoons. All Grown Up
did it. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
did it, for a more recent example. I'm sure as hell Doug
did it. And I think Hey, Arnold!
as well, but I can't remember. My point is that, this isn't a very original idea for an episode- the protagonist of the episode gets involved in a newspaper full of baloney, and gets bullied by their boss. It's common, but I still love these type of episodes, mainly because I just LOVE
seeing these horrible bosses get their comeuppance. How does this episode do it? Well...
SpongeBob gets tired of Mr. Krabs forcing him to do his horrible work, so SpongeBob decides to reveal the truth to the public about how Mr. Krabs was threatening SpongeBob to keep him working. the customers ambushed Krabs, took their money back, and left the restaurant. Wow. That's a... pretty sweet ending. Oh, cool! So it's like Jellyfish Hunter
- Krabs is getting paid back for his misdeeds in a justified way. Damn, it's almost as if nobody wants to eat at his restaurant again... right?!
No... what Krabs realizes, by accident, is that with he printing press he build, can print money. Counterift
money. But Krabs doesn't care- he can print money, and break the law in the process, but, MONEY!Sigh...
all of the shows I mentioned that had this same plot, had FAR better and more satisfying endings than this! Goddamn it... not only can they fuck up a plot that's been on other shows, but other shows on the same network!
Moving on!#18. Professor Squidward
In this episode, Squidward gets stopped by a news reporter who thinks he's Squidward's life rival, Squilliam Fancyson, who also happens to be the music professor at the Bikini Bottom University. Squidward tells the lady that he's not
Squilliam. Now, keep this moment in mind, because it will come back to bite this episode in the ass.
She nags Squidward until he says that he is Squilliam, and is now enjoying his 15 minutes of fame as a prestigious music professor in the Bikini Bottom University... with SpongeBob and Patrick as two of his students.
Wait, what the fuck?! How the hell did they become part of this issue? More importantly, how are they students of an university. University is expensive, and SpongeBob's job would make it nearly impossible for him to be able to get in, and Patrick's LACK
of a job a job, sure as hell won't let him in. So they are completely forced in, in order to cause Squidward misery, even though they have absolutely no business here. Uh, hello?! Squidward is in enough trouble just by being here! He doesn't need these two yahoo's making everything worse. This isn't even the worst example of SpongeBob and/or Patrick making Squidward's life, and they are completely irritating.
At the end of the episode, Squidward gets arrested for impersonating Squilliam, by Squilliam, who made the claim, and- wait for it....
... the reporter from the beginning of the episode! That's right, the same chick that got Squidward tangled in this mess, has now come back for some unnecessary karma. And then they have the audacity to have Squidward being dragged out of the class by the cops, while SpongeBob and Patrcik, his supposed "FRIENDS"
, just sit on their desks and watch. Such good neighbors they are... oh, shit...#17. Good Neighbors
Man... I remember this being my least favorite episode in the series when it first came out... God, how little did I know that it'd be much more tolerable years after. The episode's still a piece of shit, but it's better than... 16 even worse episodes... it's just more painful than #18. What a compliment.
Anyway, in this episode, Squidward is trying to enjoy a Sunday afternoon relaxing and pampering himself. Pedicure, nap, read his newspaper etc. But wait, here we have his neighbors, SpongeBob and Patrick, ruin his plans by causing their regular brand of mischief.
Squidward, not wanting to put up with their bullshit- and after ruining his chances of reading the newspaper- tells them how they are awful neighbors. So, the two half-wits get the idea of making a club called "Good Neighbors" (hence the name of the episode... there's nothing "Good" about this episode)
and make Squidy their president. He declines calmly, but the two fools insist on him joining. Squidward "accepts"- that is he uses his presidential power to send SpongeBob and Patrick to do pointless task, just so he can enjoy his afternoon in peace.
This doesn't work- SpongeBob and Patrick drive Squidward out of his house and then steal his pedicure away from him. Then Squidward snaps.
Before I continue, I need to say this- most people who hate this episode, hate it because it was SpongeBob and Patrick's fault this whole mess happened. I actually think it's BOTH
them and Squidward who are at fault. Why do I say that?
SpongeBob and Patrick give Squidward an apology cake- to show they're sorry for their mistakes. To their credit, and as much as I hate to admit, they DID
try to be good neighbors. They were being sincere. If these writers were smart, they would have Squidward calm down and just talk to them. Instead, we get a twist...
...in a fit of rage, Squidward kicks the pile of newspapers that SpongeBob and Patrick put back together for him, and he finds an advertisement for a security system to keep intruders out. He buys it. He installs it. It fails to detect SpongeBob and Patrick as a threat when they walk into his home and offer him an apology cake. It attacks Squidward instead for being hostile to the machine.
The thing goes haywire when it gets splattered by th cake the Good Neighbors
brought in, and what does it do? It causes the house to stand up, pick Squidward out, and then goes berserk and destroys Bikini Bottom. I'm not sure why the episode had to go in such an... odd turn of events.
Squidward's house returns and he gets in trouble for his house destroying Bikini Bottom. Now he and SpongeBob and Patrick are sentenced to clean up Bikini Bottom every Sunday for the rest of their lives. Wow... like in 20,000 Patties Under the Sea
a bad final third, destroyed whatever good feelings I had towards this episode, except, unlike the aforementioned episode, it has no chuckle-worthy moments in the least.
I'm sure that Squidward will get better and find something better to do... wait a minute...#16. Cephalopod Lodge
Hey, guys! Get this! A staple of the series is that there are quite a handful of episodes where SpongeBob and Patrick ruin anything good he has going for him... this is one of THOSE
Squidward is very secretive about... a secret. SpongeBob and Patrick are curious about what he's hiding. It turns out he's a member of the eponymous secret club. The club where only cephalopod are allowed. I guess the that ain't true, because SpongeBob and Patrick somehow get in. Not only that, but they also say that Squidward is their friend. This gets him kicked out.
Squidward is both upset and furious at SpongeBob and Patrick for getting him kicked out of the club. Ultimately they come up with a plan to get Squidward back inside, which is to make Squidy look awesome, in front of the other members, by making it seem like he's fighting a monster (really, SpongeBob and Patrick in disguise)
It works... until SPongeBob and Patrick remove their costumes a little too early.
So, guess what? Squidward gets kicked out... for GOOD
this time. Squidward is then "accepted" into SpongeBob and Patrick's club.
This episode's a chore- nothing happens for the most part aside from Squidward looking worse and worse thanks to SpongeBob and Patrick's interference. The ending killed any hopes of me watching this episode ever again. So this is easily a bust.#15. Gullible Pants
This is just... dear God...
In this episode, we at first see that Mr. Krabs has to leave the Krusty Krab for a few minutes, but he doesn't want to leave the place without a boss... which believe me, it would have been fine anyway, since he spends most of his time in his office. He leaves SpongeBob in charge of the place, until he returns.
Squidward can't believe that Mr. Krabs would trust SpongeBob more than him to take care of the place, so Squidward decides to recreate the events of Squid's Day Off
and he gives SpongeBob bogus instructions that Krabs gave him. In Squid's Day Off
, it was Squidward who was in charge, but the same thing bascially happens in Gullible Pants
, because, just as the title says, SpongeBob is gullible and listens to everything that Squidward says.
Blah, blah, blah, instructions, blah, blah, blah, chaos ensues.
The last thing we see is the Krusty Krab being left a total disaster area, and SpongeBob... just being... yeah... and the customers are left captive thanks, again to Squidward's bogus insturctions. The worst part about this episode? It has no ending. Nothing after that, the episode just ends and that's it! It isLAZY
beyond belief to see that there is no resolution whatsoever! Plus... SpongeBob being gullible? It ain't FUNNY
.#14. The Splinter
What can I say that needs to be said? What do I need to say that hasn't been said? What new bad points do I have to bring up about this episode?
It's all been said!
Wait, I think I know what to say- this episode is NOTHING!
It has absolutely no legs to stand on.
Hell, I can summarize the plot really quickly. Here's the situation, one day at the Krusty Krab SpongeBob gets his spatula stuck in the ceiling after routine patty-flipping. He tries to get it by stand it on a huge pile of... crates and junk. He falls off the tower, but instead of the show just finally killing him with that mess of swords on the ground, he gets into something FAR
more unbearable, to both him and the audience. He trips and very PAINFULLY
gets a splinter stabbed in his thumb.
The rest of the episode is SpongeBob trying to ge trid of the splinter in graphic and repulsive
ways, after Squidward tells him that he's gonna be sent home if Mr. Krabs sees his splinter.
Things get worse when we're reintroduced to Dr. Patrick, who we last saw in Suds
. In a good episode likeSuds
, we are thankfully spared of the body horror, by seeing a very ridiculous illness, and hilarious slapstick and bad ideas. Patrick impersonates a doctor, but never actually hurts SpongeBob; granted, he doesn't make him feel any better, rather worse, but it's not painful to watch.
episode, though, Patrick whines and, like in Suds
, makes the situation worse. Oh, God... it gets... disgustingly worse.
I'm not sure what's funny about this episode! It's hard to watch and just a disgusting idea being thrown up on the television screen, with no real plot and very hard-to-watch scenes that feel out of place in a network as safe as Nickelodeon. Hell, out of place ANYWHERE
except, maybe, Adult Swim.#13. Tentacle-Vision
Oh, wow... Cephalopod Lodge
is actually... tame, compared to this.
In this episode, Squidward gets annoyed that T.V. shows are just being handed to total hacks- Oh, the IRONY!
So, Squidward goes to the T.V. station an demands his own show, if it's so easy to get one. And he DOES
get a show. He wants to make his an educational show, to enlighten the people of Bikini Bottom about music and culture.
Cue SpongeBob and Patrick (It can never be that easy, can it?)
Sigh... so, they invade Squidward's house and they don't want to leave after they see that Squidward has his own show now.... sigh... this is so played, but at least it's just them...
...wait a second? Why is it that everybody in the whole cst is invading Squidward's house? Oh, wait! They're watching the show on T.V.! But they don't see why SpongeBob and Patrick can just be part of the show, but they can't. So the whole cast- ranging from Sandy to Larry, from Krabs to Plankton- invade Squidward's house and completely take over his show!
The worst part? The show becomes a success! So Squidward succeeded? WOW! This is new... wait... he's sitting outside his house... oh, fuck you, show.
Everybody in Bikini Bottom can be allowed to be in Squid's house, invade his privacy, for the sake of the show! EVERYBODY
except for Squidward himself. He has to sit outside his own house while the show is running, even though the vents that happen were a total accident! He's not at fault, and why should he get screwed out of his own house because of this? What the hell?!
Yes, I sound angry, and believe me I am. This episode pissed me off worse than Cephalopod Lodge
can make a fool out Squidward, not JUST
SpongeBob and Patrick- EVERYONE!
What did he do to deserve so much mistreatment? Jesus Christ! What's wrong with this show?#12. Demolition Doofu
In this episode, SpongeBob gets Mrs. Puff in yet another driving accident, this one is so bad that it actually deflates
Mrs. Puff is sick of SpongeBob being such a terrible driving student, she absolutely hates his guts. So, she hatches a... dark, dark idea. She enters him into the Demolition Derby. She hopes that this, gets rid of his worse student, for good.
I'm not kidding, Mrs. Puff wants to kill
SpongeBob. Now, I want to see him pay as much as anybody in the audience, but to get one of the ymost sympathetic characters SOOOOOO
out of character, to the point where she would want someone dead
, you have ruined their motivation and character for me.
The thing is that, even though she couldn't stand SpongeBob, Mrs. Puff never wished the worst for him, she just wants him out of her sight. She knew that if she passed SpongeBob before actually being ready to drive, he would be a danger to himself and everybody else. She doesn't want him to get hurt, she goes out of her way, and endures all the damage, because she doesn't want a reckless driver to graduate.
The old Mrs. Puff would never do this, as a matter of fact, I should've mentioned this earlier- SpongeBob turns out to be good at Demolition Derby. Damn good. So good, that Puff herself questions why he's still alive, not standing, not okay, ALIVE!
She even goes into the derby herself and actively tries to kill him! It sickens me to see such a nice and gentle character, turn a complete 180, and become a psychopath! I can't feel sorry for her after doing this! Actively trying to kill someone is fucked up in ANY
account- I don't advocate for characters to do that, especially the sympathetic ones.
I hate, hate, hate, that this episode even considered that idea!
#11. Summer JobHere's a mix that ought to be "easy to stomach". Think about this:What do we get when we mix Krusty Love with Boating Buddies?This episode happens, but with a twist.In this episode, Mrs. Puff is relieved to find out that summer is coming up, because she won't have to see SpongeBob during the long break......that is until SpongeBob remembers that he needs to give Puff a note. Mrs. Puff, wanting to get away from him, goes Boating Buddies on us, and tries to drive away from SpongeBob. Like in Boating Buddies, Mrs. Puff gets in trouble, but rather than the law, she drives her boat into the Krusty Krab. So, to make up for the damages, Mr. Krabs forces Mrs. Puff to work at the Krusty Krab. Guess what that means?That's right, like in Boating Buddies, Mrs. Puff is subjected to hell with SpongeBob annoying the FUCK out of her and the audience.Now, I've made a lot of references to Boating Buddies, and from that you can judge, I don't like Boating Buddies... and you're right, I hate that episode; that and Summer Job have a lot of similarities, but I hate this episode more. Why?Remember I mentioned Krusty Love? Well, here in order to save herself, Mrs. Puff alludes to the plot of Krusty Love, that is to say, she references the time when they went out together- which, I honestly would have liked for it to continue... bu it gets ruined. Why?Mr. Krabs tells her, basically, "Tough shit. Fuck you. Get to work." Yes, this time around, Krabs could give less of a damn that Mrs. Puff is suffering in such a poor working condition (SpongeBob included). That HURT. It made Krusty Love hard to watch... although, since in my mind this isn't SpongeBob anymore, I'm not ever gonna connect these two episodes together. And yet we're here, how did this happen?Krabs' unsympathetic demeanor and SpongeBob's irritating personality drive Puff up the wall, and she gets sick of working and quits. She pulls a Boating Buddies yet again, and decides to drive away. That is after taking a glance at SpongeBob's note. This time she gets in trouble with the law, she gets arrested. But it doesn't end there...At the end of the episode, Mrs. Puff has to take a boating class... taught by SpongeBob. The punchline? The note SpongeBob wanted to give Mrs. Puff was that SpongeBob decided to follow her roots, and deiced to teach a driving class. You know, SpongeBob? Mrs. Puff absolute WORST student. Who doesn't even have a LICENSE? And in PRISON?It's such a horrible twist, it's not even funny. Oh, yeah! It isn't!
Okay guys, that's it for this part! This is a list too big to go through in one go, so next week, I'll write the last 10 entries, and explain why the number 1 episode is number 1. For now, though, enjoy the first half, and I'll talk to you guys later.
Artwork and Toon!Danny © SpongeBob SquarePants